My husband and I became parents almost 18 years ago. We have an emerging adult in our house. In a week and a half, our eldest child can legally drink a beer, vote, and essentially tell us to rack off. Will he? I doubt it, because he is still in school and doesn’t have a job. So Ner.
But, here’s the clincher. I think he wants to break up with me. Mia Freedman wrote a beautiful piece about the long and slow breakup she experienced with her firstborn son. It’s a tear-jerker and rings true for so many of us as we watch our children grow, change and break away from the mother-bond that brought them to adulthood. She points out some similarities from an emotional speech by Jay Pritchett, the ‘dad’ played by Ed O’Neill on Modern Family.
He tells us how we are gifted a beautiful baby and we fall in love them, and then before we know it, that baby is gone – but it’s ok because in its place is a toddler – a little person with the greatest laugh on earth. Then one day the toddler is gone, and in its place is a little kid who asks all sorts of questions as they navigate the world around them. And this continues on and on, but you never get the chance to miss them because there is always a new kid to take the place of the old. That is, until they grow up. Then in what seems like one single moment, all of those kids you fell in love with, walk out of the door at the same time.
Oh for the love of God, make me stop crying. Damn you Jay and Mia with your heart-wrenching rendition of the gloriously bittersweet moments that parenting brings us as we launch our offspring into the big wide world.
Essentially, our job is now done. We have become redundant. As kids grow up, we have less and less influence on them which means we have to cram a lot of shit into their heads by the time they’re about 10 or we’re all screwed – no pressure but.
The studies prove that peer groups for teenagers are much more important than anyone else in their lives. How’s that for a thought? Your sons boof head mate has more influence on him than you do. Awesome. No wonder teenage kids get themselves into all sorts of trouble.
As sad as all of this sounds, it’s just part of our human experience isn’t it? Our kids need to break away and grow because who wants a useless lump of a human who can’t look after themselves and needs care from their parents until they’re 45? Not me!
*Note to the young readers – DO NOT fall in love and marry one of these people.
Speaking of love… one day your baby will find it and you will no longer be the epicentre of their world. There’s a theory that when a group of people laugh, you search for the eyes of the person you feel closest to. So when your child finds love, sorry to break it to you, but you will no longer be the one that their eyes search for. You won’t be the centre of their world anymore. How fucked up is that? NO ONE EVER TELLS YOU THIS WHEN YOU HAVE A BABY.
In consolation, you’ll be the head cheerleader on the sidelines of their life, hoping like hell that you didn’t screw them up with your dubious parenting skills and that they have remembered the fun holiday in Queensland and not the time you got so mad at them that you slammed the door and broke the glass.
So here’s cheers to being a parent of an adult. I hope my nearly adult son knows how much he’s loved. I hope he knows how much he was wanted and I hope he knows that my eyes will always be there for him when he laughs.
M
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